I used to be that person that would see a child with a serious illness or injury and I would have the urge to turn away. Not that I didn't have compassion. Selfishly, I would turn away because my heart just couldn't handle seeing them suffer. I would just refuse to even imagine what they where going through. What their parents must be going through. I couldn't bare to face the thought of it. Let alone thinking of my own children going through something like that. I just didn't have the heart. I couldn't handle it. Not even a bit.
I can't turn away now. It is my child who people may look away from. It is my child who people may think to themselves that they can't bare to imagine what she is going through. At what her parents must be going through. It is surreal. It is hard.
I can't even begin to explain what this is like to anyone on the outside of this bubble of childhood cancer. Only those who have been through it or are going through it can truly understand.
How hard it is to watch your perfect, beautiful, polite, straight A student, the daughter that you love more than life itself go through something as heinous as this. The multiple surgeries causing scarring all over her body. The chemotherapy that gets funneled into her body through a port in her chest week after week. The nurses that come into her hospital room in full protective masks, gloves and gowns to administer this cancer curing poison. The heaps of medications she has to take daily. The pain she has had to endure. The anger. The stress. The constant worry. There is just so much. I am numb to it all now.
To have the hospital become your second home. The constant feeling of exhaustion that never goes away. Seeing so many other children in the hospital who are going through treatments and having to watch them and even sometimes listen to them through the walls of our hospital room suffering as well. To see the pain in their parents eyes that you relate to all too well.
I can tell you that I have learned a lot and as crazy as it sounds I am greatful for this experience. It has made me a stronger person. It has opened my eyes. I have learned so much. I have educated myself on a topic that had always scared me to merely think of in the past.
I have learned how incredibly strong my daughter is. She has been through so much and she just keeps fighting. Her strength is admirable. I have learned what amazing lifelong friends and family I have. They have really stepped up throughout all of this and supported me beyond belief. I love them all so much and don't think I would have my sanity without their ongoing support. I have learned how a community can come together, rally and support a family in need. There really are good people in this world.
I have learned how strong and brave all of these little cancer warriors really are. How positive they are. How even though they are going through tremendous pain both physically and emotionally, they still laugh, play and have enjoyment in every day. I have learned how much of a gem the oncology unit is at BC Children's Hospital as well as all of the staff and the hospital itself. We are so blessed to have them so close to us.
I have learned how aggressive and scary Ewing's Sarcoma can be. How blessed we are that they caught it so early with Morgan. I have learned how common all childhood cancer really is. That is frightening. I have learned that in Canada, only 3% of cancer research funding goes to pediatric cancer. 3%!!! I find this astounding.
You don't think about your child getting a life threatening illness. You just don't. I didn't. Our lives have been changed forever. There will never come a day that I will be able to breathe a sigh of relief knowing that my daughter is completely healthy. Ever again. Every little headache or growing pain or cold. We will worry. Anxiously awaiting annual scans and test results for the rest of her life. There will always be worry. There will always be the looming threat that the cancer could someday return. She may also face many other health related roadblocks in her life because of the treatment that helped to cure her of her cancer.
September is childhood cancer awareness month. Our story, sadly enough, is one of the more positive ones. Morgan's treatment thus far has gone incredibly well. The best possible outcome so far. We are so unbelievably fortunate. Many other children face far more legnthy and challenging treatments. Some spend years in treatment. Some have to travel far and wide having to split up their families, pay tremendous amounts of money for treatments and housing for months on end just to get the tests, scans, radiation, chemotherapy and medical attention that they so desperately need to survive this vicious disease.
More needs to be done to help prevent and also cure childhood cancer. More awareness needs to be brought to this cause. I, like many people was unaware and not educated in the matter. It is not fair. It is hard to see these young innocent babies and children suffer like this. Please take a moment to pray, think positive thoughts for all of these poor children and families that are currently suffering or have been touched by childhood cancer. Maybe even do your own research into childhood cancer or place a donation to Canadian Childhood Cancer Foundation or BC Children's Hospital. Or donate blood.
I am incredibly greatful for all that I have learned and plan to help support this cause and spread the word. If you made it through my ramble, thank you. I appreciate you taking the time out of your busy life. Much love to you all 💗
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